Final Fantasy The Aftermath
by quisty8616
Summary: Ever wonder what happened to your favorite Final Fantasy characters? See who becomes a mailman, who messes with the Mafia, who has over 200 children, and who moves to Jupiter! FF7 thru 10 and KH! Currently working on extensions.
1. Final Fantasy VII

**Final Fantasy VII**

**Cloud**

When he defeated Sephiroth single-handedly (his companions disagreed on this point, but that's not important), Cloud decided he needed a well-deserved break after all his hard work. So he moved to Mideel with Tifa. After living with him for about two weeks, Tifa became extremely annoyed with his constant orders and moved back to Midgar. Cloud figured Tifa would eventually come back because she must be hopelessly in love with him, just like every other woman in the world. I mean, Aeris was, right? Well, Tifa didn't come back and Cloud waited for about a minute and ten seconds before getting bored and leaving too. He decided to prove that he was the greatest fighter in the world, even though he already knew that he was. But, no one else believed him, so he had to prove it. He wandered around the world and challenged people to fights. Most people said no or just laughed at him, but Cloud kept at it. Eventually, his sword broke and he had to put it together with scotch tape. A _lot_ of scotch tape. He ended up at the coliseum at Olympus. There, he beat up some Heartless and challenged Phil to at least three fights a day. He even kicked Sephiroth's butt again, though he can't exactly recall the details of the fight. Eventually, some kid with spiky hair named Sally or Stinky or…somethin' like that came along with his talking duck and dog and whipped Cloud's butt. Defeated, Cloud finally hung up his now-disintegrating sword and found his way to Tifa's bar in Midgar and drank his sorrows away with Shirley Temples.

**Aeris**

Well. Um…Aeris. What did Aeris do? Well, after Sephiroth killed her way back on Disc One, she was very sad. She had lost her Holy Materia in the water of the City of the Ancients, she lost her boyfriend to that tomboy Tifa, and she lost her life. Well, to put it more accurately, she didn't lose her life; she died. She was very sad. So was so sad, she came back as a ghost and moved to Traverse Town. She also changed her name to Aerith, just to make it more annoying to pronounce. With a name like Aerith, she could laugh at people who said her name and say that they had a lisp. She spent the rest of her "life" hanging out in Traverse Town with Cid and Yuffie until Squall, who had changed his name to Leon, came and they had the adventure with the Heartless. Well, actually, Aeris wasn't much help. Since she was already dead, the Heartless didn't affect her, so she just sat around and pretened to cheer Yuffie and Leon on while she filed her ghostly nails. Nothing fazes her much. That tends to happen when you're dead. Anyway, after Leon left, Aeris and Yuffie took over Ansem's castle and redecorated it in a kind of neoclassical Ninja Barbie style, complete with _beaucoup de_ pink and Yuffie's ninja stars all over.

**Tifa**

When Sephiroth was defeated, Tifa and Cloud moved to Mideel. Tifa was very unhappy for several reasons: 1) Cloud was driving her insane; 2) Mideel was a burning wreck of a town located around some glowing radioactive green slime; 3) Cloud was _still_ driving her insane; and 4) if Cloud didn't stop ordering her around and making her listen to how 'he defeated Sephiroth all by himself' for every hour of the day, she was going to beat him up right here, right now! Finally Tifa was so angry, she screamed and left. She hopped the first boat to Midgar and never looked back. When she got to Midgar, she went into the slums and started a bar. She began reforming the ghetto and eventually got it looking very nice. Land values rose and since Shinra was a fortune-tellin' freak house and no longer cared about the _bourgeois_ activities of the normal people, the rest of Midgar prospered. Tifa eventually became mayor, but she still ran her bar. Much to her dismay, Cloud showed up one day. But it wasn't a problem, as he was no a defeated man. She let him say and gave him free Shirley Temples so he wouldn't hit on her.

**Barrett**

Barrett hitched a ride on the airship back to Midgar to pick up his daughter, Marlene, from Aeris's surrogate mother. After paying the outrageous babysitting bill, Barrett and his daughter traveled back to North Corel, his pathetic hometown. Corel was all but destroyed after Sephiroth ran a train into it, so it wasn't the best place for a little girl like Marlene to grow up in, but Barrett wasn't exactly the best father for a little girl, either. More on that later. Really, the only reason that Corel even existed was for the destroyed Mako reactor that once supplied power to the Gold Saucer, a gambling establishment not unlike Las Vegas, except it was scummier. Barrett, who had nothing else to do in backwater North Corel, was slowly dragged into the criminal underworld of the Gold Saucer. Eventually, Barrett got into trouble with the Gold Saucer Mafia. To pay back their "loan", Barrett needed a ton of money, and to get it, he turned to Chocobo racing. The only problem was that Barrett was _really_ bad at Chocobo racing. He kept betting and losing money until finally, the only thing he had left to bet was his daughter, Marlene. Of course he lost. You can't get better at gambling just because your daughter is on the line. After losing his daughter to the Mafia, Barrett skipped town. He ran away to Costa del Sol, changed his name to James P. Merewether, and opened a boogie board shop on the beachfront. He was still sad about his daughter, but was happy that she had a good career as a Gold Saucer Mafia hit man. Little does he know that his daughter has been dispatched by the Mafia to get that "loan" repaid…

**Yuffie**

After Sephiroth was defeated, Yuffie didn't know what to do. She hadn't really gained anything, except the satisfaction of saving the world and calling Cloud a spiky-headed jerk. So she stole all the materia and ran away to Traverse Town. There, she met up with Aeris (sorry, AERITH!) who didn't really care about the stolen materia, as long as Yuffie didn't have her Holy Materia. They hung out in their bachelorette pad until Squall showed up, bringing all the Heartless with him. Once again, Aeris didn't really care 'cause she was dead, but Yuffie and Squall (sorry, LEON!) fought off the Heartless. They were doing pretty well; getting really popular and having people buying them drinks all the time, until that stupid Sally kid showed up and got rid of all the Heartless. After that, Leon, Aerith and Yuffie just loitered around by the bar until Leon got bored and went back to Esthar. After Leon left, the girls moved into Ansem's castle before he came back from the darkness. He tried to get it back, but they locked the door and taunted him from the front window and he couldn't get in. Too bad, Ansem; you get possessed by the forces of darkness, you…well, you lose.

**Cid**

Cid moved back to Rocket town after saving the world, but he got really bored with small-town life, basically just sitting in his rusty rocket ship and pretending to be in space all the time. So he gained a pound or two or 100, got glasses, and moved to Balamb and started the Garden system. There, he married some freaky lady named Edea. After abandoning him in the Centra Ruins, Edea ran away with a huge alimony. Cid was sad, but he soon got over it. Next, he turned himself into an oglop and moved to Lindblum, claiming to be king and got remarried to a lady named Hilda. That was all well and good until Lindblum blew up. Cid ran away and became a bald Al Bhed man in Spira. By this time, he had a daughter named Rikku and a niece named Yuna. When Yuna destroyed Sin, Cid left her his airship and went to Traverse Town. There, he met up with some old friends and opened an accessory shop that was joined to the moogles' synthesis shop. He hangs out with the moogles, Huey, Dewey, and Louie of the item shop.

**Red XIII**

When Sephiroth was defeated, Red XIII went back to Cosmo Canyon, his birthplace. His family had lived there since forever and now that Red XIII's grandpa died, Red XIII was in charge. No one really knew how Red XIII's grandpa was related to him, as Buchenwald was a human and Red XIII was a lion-wolf thing. But no one questions these kinds of things in this world. Red XIII ran Cosmo Canyon for a few years, but eventually the constant bongo music started to grate on his nerves. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and left. He wandered around the world for a while, and during this time, he changed his name to Steve, because it's easier to remember and say. When Red XIII/Steve would tell people his name, they would stare at him like he was insane. Or when he wrote it, they'd sit there for about five minutes, looking at the Roman numerals and trying to figure out the number. So Steve was just easier. Steve wandered around looking for something to do. Eventually, he wound up in Kuja's palace in the desert of Gaia. He wasn't really sure how he got there, but he did. He must have been sleepwalking. Anyway, once there, he met Kuja and they became instant friends. After being defeated by Zidane & Co., Kuja was sick and tired of the evil thing. He and Steve hung out, watched movies and ate popcorn until they both got bored with that kind of lifestyle. Steve suggested that they become magicians and Kuja immediately accepted. They used Kuja's white dragon as the focus of the show and went on circuit in Las Vegas. They do magic shows where they make the dragon disappear; not unlike Sigfried and Roy, only Sigfried and Roy don't have a dragon. They just have a bunch of smelly tigers, and the dragon doesn't attack people. Often. Kuja and Steve became the most popular show in Vegas and they are now millionaires. But on their off days, they still watch movies and eat popcorn in Kuja's palace.

**Cait Sith**

Cait Sith, as everyone knows, is actually a man who works for Shinra. He gets his kicks by pretending to be a talking cat and scaring the crap out of people. Well, after Sephiroth was defeated, Rufus, owner of Shinra, who was very stressed out by the whole issue, retired after two weeks with Shinra. His pension sucks, but hey. He's got that freaky laugh guy and the woman in the red dress. When Rufus and his little minions left, Cait Sith was free to take control of Shinra. He became president of Shinra and demanded that everyone call him "The Big Cheese". He turned Shinra into a fortune-telling and tarot card-reading training school and began mass-producing Miss Cleos with fake Jamaican accents and distributing them throughout the worlds. For some reason, they were a huge hit. Go figure.

**Vincent**

After Sephiroth was defeated and everyone went their merry ways, Vincent returned to Nibelheim because he couldn't think of anything better to do. To his surprise and mild joy the abandoned and decrepit Shinra Mansion was still (get ready for it) abandoned and decrepit and a poor excuse for a house, so despite his acute hatred for the place where he had lived in a coffin in the basement for however many years it was, Vincent broke into the Nibelheim registrar's office, stole the deed to the Mansion, and moved in, this time into an actual room. Although he really didn't care one lick about the place, he set up protection and five-star fortification in case the townspeople went crazy and tried to attack him. But apparently, the Shinra Mansion is not the hottest little piece of real estate this side of the Mako Reactor, because when the townspeople heard what Vincent had done, they collectively said, "Eh," and continued wandering aimlessly through their sad little lives. Now, in a way, Vincent was happy for the non-confrontation attitude of Nibelheim. It meant less battle preparation work and more time to spend making a new high-tech coffin to sleep in. But really, really, really, _really _deep down, he was freakin' bored. And if the townspeople couldn't help alleviate his extreme boredom, then by God, he'd find someone who would. So he left Nibelheim, burning down the Mansion behind him, just because, y'know, he could. In truth, no one even noticed.

Vincent wandered around for a while, searching for his true calling. He finally found it as a pyro-technician in Wutai, now a budding film industry town, destined to be the next big Hollywood. Actually, he answered the job posting on whim and when, on his first day, he blew up fourteen flashpots, six mailboxes, set off twenty-three controlled out-of-control fires and nearly set his hair on fire, he knew that the pyro-technical arts were for him. At nights, to earn extra cash, Vincent part-times at the Gold Saucer carnival as a sharpshooter/animal greeter, though the chainsaw-wielding Jason get-up isn't too popular with small children and mothers.

**Sephiroth**

Even though Sephiroth got his butt kicked by a bunch of snot-nosed egocentric kids (namely, Cloud), he was undaunted. Sephiroth went around fighting people and proving he really was the greatest fighter who ever lived. He ended up in the Olympus Coliseum and was finally able to give Cloud his much-needed beat-down. After the fight, Cloud erased the defeat from his memory, pretending he had won. Sephiroth beat every challenger, including that spiky-haired Sally kid with the pet duck and…dog thing with the shield. Anyway. Eventually, Sephiroth got bored with beating people while blindfolded and one hand behind his back, so he went and got Ansem from the Bumper Sticker Company from Hell and they both became Hare Krishna. They gave out pamphlets, sold flowers, and played didgeridoos and finger cymbals at airports around the world.


	2. Final Fantasy VIII

**Final Fantasy VIII**

**Squall**

Ultemicia was defeated and now Squall & Co. had no job. Why? Well, SeeD had no purpose now that there were no more evil sorceresses. So now Squall had to pay taxes on this stupid flying school with no purpose. Since he was running low on money, he sold the Garden to the Master Fisherman in FH, the guy who was almost hit by the Garden when it first came to FH. Now, the Master Fisherman rides around the ocean in it, yelling "Whoo-hoo!" and catching the wakes of boats and Sea-doos. Shortly after Squall sold the Garden, Rinoa left him. The rumor was that she had big plans to turn the Garden into a Forest Owls Training Facility and Dog Spa. Squall wasn't too sad, though. In fact, he was kinda happy because now he was a single unemployed bachelor. He moved to Deling City and partied every night until he began to run out of money again and he decided he needed a job. After much high-tech research, consisting mainly of scanning the Want ads, he decided that being a mailman would be pretty easy. He searched all over the world for open mailman positions and finally found one in Esthar. He wasn't too pleased about moving to Esthar because that's where Laguna lives, but as it was the only position open, Squall took it.

Squall soon discovered that he had a natural talent for the postal service. He quickly rose to the rank of mail deliverer in the Esthar Mail Force. He was very popular with the whole Force because he devised a new way to deliver mail: by shooting it through the elevator tubes. This idea worked really well and he was promoted to head of the Esthar mail service. Despite his high position, he still worked as a deliverer on weekends. For one of his vacations, he went to Traverse Town to kick some Heartless but, but he eventually left; he missed his true calling: the postal service. When he got back to Esthar, he had a new job offer.

**Rinoa**

Rinoa dumped Squall after he sold the Garden. Everyone hated her because the thought she wanted to make a ton of money off the Garden and when she couldn't, she dumped Squall. But that's not the reason at all! She left because...well, that's not really any of your business, is it? Anyway, Rinoa married her favorite man in the world besides her traitorous daddy: Angelo. She didn't care if Angelo was a dog. She was sick and tired of people always judging her. Geez, you people! Leave her alone! Anyway. Rinoa lives happily in Timber and every Halloween, she dresses up as an owl to represent the Forest Owls, her resistance group without a purpose now that Vinzer Deling is dead.

**Zell**

After the group broke up, Zell decided to move back in with his mom in Balamb. He sat around in the house, running up his mother's food bills. But, his favorite pastime was going out into the town to annoy the townspeople. The good citizens of Balamb are constantly coming up with plots to try to run Zell out of town, but nothing is working. They pull childish pranks on him, but unfortunately Zell likes all the pranks they play on him. They tried putting Kool-Aid in his shower head, but Zell just drank the Kool-Aid. They unscrewed his salt shaker lids, but Zell really, really likes salt on just about everything. As a last ditch attempt, they put Whoopee cushions on all his chairs, but Zell thought these were hilariously funny and decided to stay for another twenty years. Like most people in the world, the people of Balamb are undaunted, however, and they are still hard at work to get Zell out of Balamb through Operation Get Zell out of Balamb As Soon As Possible Using Whatever Means Necessary, or OGZooBASAPUWMN.

**Quistis and Ward**

Quistis decided that she wanted to pursue a career in music, so she quit being a SeeD and moved to Deling City. She bought a bar and built a stage in it. Then, she talked Ward into working there as well. He became the bartender/lounge singer and Quistis was the piano player. Despite the fact that he can't talk, Ward's act became an instant hit and he released several platinum CD's with Quistis as the accompaniment. Quistis dyed her hair black and slicked it back. She performs in a red dress that looks exactly like Julia's dress. In fact, in her whole get-up, she looks like a Julia clone. She figures that the tried-and-true methods are the best way to go. Quistis also hopes to become a professional singer, but she would still keep the bar if she went public. Ward is still the bartender, even though he has so much money, he could buy his own continent. In some cases, fame doesn't go to the head. On his off days, Ward plays basketball with Yao Ming. He is super-tall (7 feet, to be exact) so he's pretty good, but Yao Ming still wins most of the time.

**Irvine and Selphie**

Irivine and Selphie got married. They wandered around in the world for a few years, looking for somewhere to live and finally decided on living in Trabia. Actually, Sephie decided on Trabia and Irvine just went along with it to make her happy. Once in Trabia, they tried to rebuild the Garden, but since it was so decrepit to begin with, they couldn't really save it. Selphie realized what a dump she had been living in since her childhood and they decided to change it into a mini golf course. They built a course, complete with little windmills and castles, added batting cages, go carts, an arcade, and a paintball field. It was instantly popular. People from all over the world flocked to Trabia Golf to spend weeks doing absolutely nothing productive. Sadly, Trabia was only technically open from May to August, it being located above the Arctic Circle and all. But, for some weird people, the fun never stops. People began coming to Trabia in the winter and breaking in to play mini golf in the snow. So, Selphie and Irvine decided to increase profits and leave Trabia Golf open all year round for the nuts who want to play golf in four feet of snow. Irvine was in charge of the whole operation and he tried to make Selphie get a real job, but try as she might, she couldn't. Whenever she got a job, she was fired soon after because she was too happy and giggled all the time. Even though she was worthless, Irvine loved her and kept her to pull balls out of the fake ponds on the golf course.

**Seifer**

When all the sorceresses were killed in this time, except for Rinoa, Seifer was out of a job. He went to Rinoa and offered to be her bodyguard, but Squall beat him up and Seifer was forced to find other employment. He traveled all over the world with Fujin and Raijin, but no one would hire him, for reasons still unknown. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he tried to help at least two sorceresses take over the world using hostile tactics. That's not really a good thing to have on your job résumé. Eventually, Seifer, Fujin, and Raijin moved to FH. FH is known as a town for people that no one else wants, so Seifer fit right in. But there were no jobs in FH, either. Because of the lack of employment, Seifer now spends his days fishing, never actually catching anything. Because no one likes him, he's turned into a kind of Captain Ahab character, trying to catch the elusive white whale, Moby Dick. He spends his time standing on the dock, yelling at the fish. Fujin and Raijin are kind of scared of him. Call them Ishmael.

**Laguna**

Laguna was president of Esthar for a long time. He liked it, but was getting sick of people in funky costumes asking him what to do all the time. He also didn't like the space program, which consisted of shooting people into space in a machine that was vaguely reminiscent of a gun. To be shot into space, literally, is kind of disturbing. Laguna was ready to resign, but unfortunately, due to some obscure Esthar law, Laguna could only resign if he found someone else to take his place. Otherwise, he was president for life. Well, being the extrovert that he is, Laguna was not intimidated. He started going to every single living thing in the city of Esthar (except Doctor Odine) and asking if they wanted to become president for him. They all laughed in his face. Laguna didn't ask Doctor Odine because he knew that if Odine became president, he would kidnap thousands of innocent children and run tests on them.

So when all the clown-like residents of Esthar refused to help Laguna despite his years of loyal service, he went to other countries and asking the people of those countries. He was so desperate, he was asking monsters at one point. Just when he was about to give up, he realized that he had missed one person: Squall. Laguna did a bit of research and found out that Squall was living in Esthar and working as a mailman. Laguna found out where Squall was living and he moved in and refused to leave until Squall took over the presidency. Finally, Squall, who wanted to improve Esthar from the wreck of a town that his father had made it, said yes. Now the people of Esthar are much happier, because the Esthar Postal Force is the envy of the entire world. Laguna moved to Winhill with Ellone. He's a cantankerous old man who complains about everything and makes Ellone fetch him soup at every hour of the day. Interesting how he refuses to spend time with his real son, but lives with this girl he knew for about a year a long time ago.

**Kiros**

Kiros didn't have a job after Adel was killed, seeing as he was the manager of the Sorceress Containment Department. So he had to wait in the unemployment line in Luca with Rikku (the girl one; oh, wait! They're both girl ones!). He thought about what he liked to do and one day it came to him in a dream. He decided he wanted to play baseball. He didn't know why, seeing as how he had never even heard of baseball, let alone played it. But he didn't care and was always up for a challenge. He turned out to be a pretty good baseball player, despite the fact that he was upwards of 40 years old and had no baseball experience whatsoever. But no teams would hire him with a name like Kiros. I mean, seriously, would you? So with Ward's permission, he changed his name to Ward. Yes, just Ward. He was inspired by Cher and Madonna. After he changed his name, he was signed with the Pittsburgh Pirates. He played with them for many years, until eventually he disappeared. He stopped played baseball and became a recluse. He still likes baseball, but he just doesn't play it anymore. Go figure.

**Cid and Edea**

When he gave control of the Garden to Squall, Cid never planned to take it back. He missed his wife, Edea, something terrible, so when she was released from Ultimecia's evil grip, they moved to into Edea's old run-down orphanage/lighthouse at the very bottom of the Centra continent. Which makes us wonder: why is there a lighthouse down where absolutely no one lives? Did Edea get bored one day and decided to build a lighthouse? Who on earth would use it besides fish and stupid people who sail far away from all civilization just for fun? Odin? Tonberries? Anyway. Cid retired permanently shortly after leaving the Garden. He got bored very quickly and began annoying the heck out of Edea. She got so irritated with him that she suggested that the two of them take a "romantic" vacation to the Centra ruins. Once there, Edea, who by now was ready to strangle herself, left Cid there. Cid lived with the Tonberries for a while and then moved to Lindblum and remarried.

**Ultimecia and Adel**

After being defeated by Squall & Company, Inc, in the future, Ultimecia's plan for world domination was doomed to be an unrealized reality. So sad. She traveled back in time to the present. She tried going on the lecture circuit with a lecture called "Pros and Cons of Being an Evil Sorceress", but that failed miserably. Crushed, she moved to the abandoned Deep Sea Research Center and started a nunnery for sorceresses, which she dubbed Shed of Really Crazy Eccentric Retired Electric Sad Sorceresses With Indigo And Green Walruses At the Mall, or just S.O.R.C.E.R.E.S.S.W.I.G.W.A.M. It was really just coincidence that the name for the nunnery created that acronym. Ultimecia has more talents than she gives herself credit for. No one, not even Ultimecia herself understands why she named it this. I guess that's where the Crazy part comes in. Anyway, Ultimecia got pretty lonely all by herself, so she invited Adel and Edea to come live with her in the Sorceress Wigwam. They accepted and they all lived there happily for the rest of their lives, discussing the latest sorceress fashion trends and starting their own clothing line specifically for sorceresses. Most are in the style of Adel's repulsive outfit. They invited Rinoa too, but she declined. She actually had a life.


	3. Final Fantasy IX

I forgot to write an intro to my last posting, so here's one for both of them. Yay! You like me! You really like me! Well, you like my stories at least. I want to write full stories from these, but I've got so much stuff on my plate right now... It'll come eventually! My other problem is which one to start with! Dilemma! Okay, enough talking. Here be the next installment!

I do not own any of Squaresoft's characters. Please do not sue me! Remember, imitation is the highest form of flattery!

**Final Fantasy IX**

**Zidane**

Zidane was an actor/thief at heart, so after saving the world, he moved back to Lindblum and started his own theatre company. He put on such plays as Life of a Salesman, Maine!, The Tyvek Menagerie, and The Tympani Player on the Roof. But his major hit, of course, was Springtime for Kuja. None of his plays were any good, considering they were all rip-offs of other plays. The only play that made any money was Springtime for Kuja, but that was actually because he sold more shares of it than he actually had. When his evil plot was discovered, he was sent to jail, where he...no, wait. That's the plot of The Producers. Well, Zidane, he actually just faded into oblivion and became a pickpocket in Lindblum. Eventually, his thief friends came to help him with his theatre company, but there wasn't much they could do to resurrect the already pathetic theatre.

**Garnet a.k.a. Dagger**

When the crystal (is the crystal the bad guy? I don't know) was destroyed, Dagger was returned to Alexandria and crowned official queen of Alexandria. She declared May 21 National Dagger Day and made everyone build mini-shrines of her in their houses. She sends patrols in once every week to make sure that everyone worships her. Being the spoiled brat that she is, Dagger threw hissy fits whenever she couldn't do things like throw the entire country in jail for jaywalking. She didn't understand why you just can't do that. Finally, her wrath went overboard when she didn't receive a birthday gift from her Uncle Cid in Lindblum. She decided to blow Lindblum up. Her advisors tried to tell her that this was a bad idea as it might start a war with Lindblum. Her advisors also tried to tell her that it wasn't even her birthday. But, she just had her advisors thrown in jail and blew Lindblum up anyway. Cid took advantage of this attack to run away to Spira and become a bald Al Bhed man. When Dagger had destroyed Lindblum, she rebuilt it as a shrine to herself. The whole city is laid out in the shape of her head and everyone in Lindblum dresses exactly like her. Dagger also took this time to throw Zidane in jail for sexual harassment. However, Zidane just escaped and restarted his pathetic excuse for a theatre troupe again. Dagger gave up on him and just charged him the Dagger tax, which adds up to about $42,156,738 a year.

**Steiner and Beatrix**

Steiner and Beatrix got married and moved to Conde Petit. They were very happy there, until the little potato people and the "Rally-ho!" crap started to get on their nerves, which took about...fifteen minutes. So they moved back to Alexandria and bought a quaint little shack near the castle. It was actually a pretty nice house, compared to the rest of Alexandria, which Queen Dagger had never bothered to rebuild after the fiasco with Kuja. Steiner and Beatrix started a family, ending up with a grand total of 104 children, just barely losing out to Seymour and Yuna. Imagine the whole rooms full of baby pictures! Man! Anyway, Beatrix taught every single one of her children how to fight exactly like her, while Steiner, who earned the bread in the family, worked with Zorn and Thorn in a weapon/synthesis shop in town. Actually, Zorn and Thorn ran the store. Steiner just swept up and carried the customers' purchases to their cars for them. Anyway, Steiner gave his kids superb armor that he "borrowed" from the weapon store, and the sword-magic skill, so together, Steiner and Beatrix created an unbelievably skilled army that they hired out as mercenaries. Don't mess with their kids; it'll be the last thing you do.

**Vivi**

When the evil cloud of darkness that plagued Gaia was defeated, Vivi was a little depressed about the whole Black-Mages-being-manufactured-and-used-as-mindless-mercenaries thing. He decided to become a recluse and went to live in his grandpa's cliff dwelling house near Treno. He sat around, watching soap operas on daytime TV until he decided that he needed to get out and do something with his life. Vivi went to Treno and joined the nearest Boy Scout troop. He was a very good Boy Scout, as he didn't even need to use matches or sticks to start fires and he could easily put fires out with ice and water magic and stuff. He was so good, he got all the badges in approximately one hour. After he got all the badges, he started his own troop out of the Black Mage Village. All the Black Mages that weren't loyal to Eiko joined his troop. They went on camping trips in the forest and accidentally burned the forest down around the Black Mage Village. Oops. After that, Vivi decided it would be a good idea to stop with the camping trips. They decided to go hang out in Alexandria, but when they showed up, everyone ran away screaming. So the Black Mages all got the front row seats at the only play in town at the time, which happened to be Springtime for Kuja. Of course, it was really bad. What do you expect from one of Zidane's box office nightmares? All the Black Mages hated it so much that they blew up the stage. Zidane, being the dense, stupid fool that he is, took this as applause and decided to write more plays. All the Black Mages ran away before Zidane could make them watch any more plays. They traveled to Hollywood and became the best special effects people ever.

**Freya**

Freya decided to go back to Burmecia and rebuild her shattered life. The only problem was that Burmecia was still an abandoned wreck of a town dominated by a perpetual rain cloud as a result of Queen Brahne's stupid Black Mages and extremely unusual weather patterns. Freya decided to go to Cleyra, but all that was left of that was the burnt and blackened tree stump and a bunch of sand. Freya was very sad. She didn't know if there were any of her mouse-like people left in the world. She knew some were living in Lindblum, but she didn't like those people. They were weird. She also knew that her ex-boyfriend Fratley was still wandering around with amnesia. Freya decided to go find Fratley. She wandered around and looked everywhere that Fratley could possibly be, but she still couldn't find him. Eventually her search led her to Broadway and she decided to go see a show. She noticed that Riverdance was playing at one of the theatres and she decided to go see it. She bought a ticket and went in. The minute the show started, Freya was in love. She ran up onstage and started dancing with the Riverdance people. She was hired immediately after the show. One day, Fratley showed up and joined Riverdance, too. He still didn't remember who Freya was, so she came up with a plan. She snuck up behind Fratley one day and hit him on the head with a dictionary. He fell on the floor, unconscious and when he woke up, he remembered Freya. They got married and lived happily ever after touring with Riverdance. Although, every once in a while Fratley passes out as a result of the dictionary. But Freya was okay with that.

**Eiko**

Eiko decided to move to the Iifa Tree rather than back to Madain Sari. Madain Sari held too many sad memories of the past and it was kind of boring living there all alone, not that the Iifa Tree was a booming metropolis. Anyway, Eiko took her 20,854 moogle friends (the ones that didn't go to Traverse Town and start the synthesis shop) and became a tree-huggin' environmentalist. She chose the Iifa Tree as her home because she thought it would make a point that she was living in a tree, but as no one in Gaia really cared about the environment except for the dwarf people in Conde Petit, her tree home was kind of pointless. So to prove her point even more, she dyed her hair greed and became a "tree-nymph". She didn't know what a tree-nymph was by she talked to her brother-type person, Amarant, who moved to Jamaica and was therefore an expert on Greek mythology. Well, not really. He didn't know much either, so Eiko improvised. What she didn't know, she made up. Eventually, she realized that she would need help in her quest to save the earth from the destruction of Evil Queen Dagger, who by this time had blown up Lindblum and turned it into Dagger City. Eiko drafted all the Black Mages who hadn't joined Troupe #836 to her cause and created more with the Mist from the Iifa Tree when her supply ran low. Together, they dressed completely in green with shamrocks in their hats and passed out pamphlets on the streets of Alexandria and Treno, the only two towns with a relatively high level of sanity still left standing. Instead of taking the pamphlets, however, people pointed, laughed and took pictures. All of the little Vivis felt sorry for Eiko and decided to help, but they didn't do much either. The sight was kind of comical. In fact, the sight was kind of comical. They all looked like mini Lucky Charms leprechauns. Sometimes, the Black Mages would slip out of tree character and say, "Aye, you're always after me Lucky Charms!" to people walking down the street. These people would walk faster and eventually start running. All in all, Eiko's conservationist thing didn't really work, but she kept at it and is still being laughed at to this day.

**Amarant**

Amarant was a loner, always was, and always would be. So when the evil mastermind bad guy in this game was defeated, Amarant left the group. He had always thought the group was stupid, and anyway, he was a mercenary. He didn't need to hang out with any stupid kinds like Zidane & Co. Anyway, Amarant didn't really know what he wanted to do anymore. The being good thing had grown on him, so he couldn't go back to being a mercenary just like that. He thought about going to Balamb Garden for mercenary training, but when he heard that the Master Fisherman had bought it, he scrapped that idea. He wandered around for a while, finally ending up in Jamaica. The minute he set foot in Jamaica, he knew he was home. He bought a little thatch hut on the beach and bought a few steel drum. He sat around all day, playing his steel drums and saying "Jamaica, mon!" But, as you would expect, that got boring after a while. So he joined the Jamaican bobsled team, with John Candy as the manager. They went to the Olympics and won every gold medal, even the ones that weren't their event, like figure skating and floor gymnastics. This was all thanks to Amarant. They'd walk around with their gold medals and sing, "We are Jamaica, we have a bobsled team!" and everyone would stare at them with annoyance and contempt. Every once in a while, Amarant would return to Alexandria and the surrounding areas and taunt his old "friends" by showing off his medals. He did it so much, that eventually, when anyone said his name, that person would find themselves stuffed headfirst in a garbage can with their shoes over a telephone wire. Amarant quickly got the hint and stopped coming around. But he still shows off his medals to anyone who will listen and, of course, he still plays his steel drums.

**Quina**

Since Quina was pursuing the career of a gourmet chef, when s/he and the rest of his/her companions killed the bad guy, s/he started a fine dining restaurant. Sadly the restaurant isn't doing too well. All Quina serves is frogs: frog legs, frog soup, frog waffles, frog cheese, frog...well you get the idea. Because of the...ah, diverse menu, the only people who eat there are other Qus. There aren't that many Qus in the world, thankfully.

**Kuja**

When Kuja was defeated by that girly-lookin' monkey boy (of course, he should talk. He looks like a girl, too), he was kinda sad. He went back to his desert palace and hid in shame. Kuja spent the next year or so perpetually cleaning his palace. His palace really was poorly planned, as it was underneath a desert. Deserts usually contain a lot of sand and this sand found ways to leak into Kuja's house and gather in little piles on the floor and in Kuja's food. Kuja spent every waking moment sweeping and vacuuming the sand up only for more to fall in and get tracked all over his house. One day, Steve/Red XIII showed up and asked if Kuja wanted a roommate. Kuja decided that a roommate would be cool, because Steve could help Kuja clean up the sand. But Steve had other plans. He got Kuja to watch movies all the time and Kuja's house fell into disrepair. But at this point, Kuja didn't care. Finally one day, they got bored and decided to become magicians. They took Kuja's dragon and went to Las Vegas, came up with a spectacular magic show, which involved disappearing dragons and spandex. It was an instant hit. That's Vegas for you... Kuja and Steve now do their show four times a week. They're super-rich and Kuja was able to hire an entire fleet of maid to keep his house clean. Sometimes, Kuja and Steve go back to Kuja's house and throw popcorn on the floor just to annoy the maids.

**Moogles**

The moogles that weren't interested in protecting the environment moved to Traverse Town and started up a synthesis shop above Cid's accessory shop. They were the only ones in Traverse Town with the synthesis technology, so they made lots and lots o' money. But since they moogles had no money when they started up their shop, they had to take out a monster loan from Cid. So, they owed him about...um...$48 million. But let's not talk about that right now.


	4. Final Fantasy X

Wow! It's only been almost half a year! Hope I haven't lost any fan base! (yeah, right) Anyway, here's Final Fantasy X. Sorry it's so late; I've got so many things going on… Well, here it is. Hope you like it! Please R&R!

Note: I do not own any of the characters or story or anything. Those all belong to Square.

Tidus 

Tidus is a very clingy person, so when the group disbanded, he followed Yuna home. Yuna quickly got over her infatuation with him when he began following her everywhere, like a huge puppy. She got rid of him by doing this: "Hey Tidus! Look over there!" and running away when he looked where she was pointing. Amazingly, this worked quite well. After Yuna "disappeared", Tidus followed Rikku, but since she was rich and famous by this time, she hired bodyguards to keep him away from her. He then tried Kimahri, but Kimahri beat him up, and Tidus didn't need 20 _more_ broken bones to get the hint that Kimahri didn't want him around. He may be dense, but he's not stupid. He considered Seymour, but the thought of following a dead guy around didn't really appeal to him. He tried Auron, but Auron, who had become a hermit, kept running away and hiding in remote places. But, Tidus hasn't given up yet. He is thinking of visiting Auron on Jupiter in a few weeks. He hopes that Auron will be happy to see him. Meanwhile, he's living in Wakka and Lulu's basement. Surprisingly, they don't mind him. Why? Well, Tidus supposedly looks like Chappu, Wakka's younger brother, which explains Lulu. And Tidus plays blitzball, so Wakka can use him as an interactive training program. The only problem is that Tidus eats a lot, so he runs up huge food bills for Wakka and Lulu. They're still trying to decide what to do about him.

**Wakka and Lulu**

Wakka and Lulu got married and now Lulu is pregnant. Anybody could have seen that coming, though, seeing as how Lulu dated Wakka's younger brother, and Wakka probably reminded Lulu of him. They don't look even remotely alike. I think Wakka is just a rebound thing for Lulu, who misses Chappu, which incidentally kind of means "hat" in French. Why would you name your kid Hat? What a stupid name! Maybe Lulu got together with him so she could make fun of his stupid name. Anyway, Lulu is pregnant. Go figure.

Yuna 

After defeating Sin and not dying, Yuna was very happy. She and Tidus dated for a while, but she got sick of him fast. She tried a restraining order, but those don't work too well in Spira. That's probably because there are no lawyers in Spira. Finally, she came up with a brilliant plan. She'd point off into space and yell, "Hey Tidus! Look over there!" This plan worked and she ran away while Tidus was distracted. She decided to go back to Besaid and become the head of the temple there. On the way back, she dropped the little girl outfit and started dressing like Lara Croft, only sluttier, complete with hot pants and a _very_ low-cut blouse. She also turned into a lean, mean, fighting machine… only when she needed to be, of course. While passing through Guadosalam, she went to the new nightclub there and got a little sidetracked.

Seymour Guado 

Seymour had several problems. He didn't have a girlfriend, he didn't have a job, and he was dead. The dead thing was the biggest obstacle, but Seymour never let little things like death get him down. He decided to tackle his appearance first. He cut his hair out of those stupid spike things, dyed it, and got new clothes. After his major makeover, he looked kind of like _insert name of hot famous guy here_. Then, he got a job. He started a hot new nightclub in Guadosalam and became the DJ. He always wanted to start a nightclub. It was actually a good idea, because the people who had just crossed or still had to cross the Thunder Plains could stop in for a drink or two or ten. Now, that he was good-looking and had a cool job, he needed a girlfriend. Around this time, Yuna came back through Guadosalam on her way back to civilization and somewhat normal people. She went to the nightclub and saw Seymour and instantly fell in love. She took him up on his offer of marriage and they were soon married. Seymour and Yuna moved into Seymour's old house and had it remodeled, 'cause it was kind of stale. They had 110 kids, all named Seymour or Seymourana.

Auron 

After accompanying two summoners, both related, on two pilgrimages to defeat Sin and after being stuck with two annoying generations of Tidus's family, Auron was sick and tired of people. He decided to become a hermit and move to a desert island or to the wilderness somewhere. Finally, he built a house in Oeilvert. He didn't really explore Oeilvert much, though, as the mask things on the wall scared him a little. Tidus kept harassing Auron, however and coming to his remote house and "chillin' wit' his homey", but really he was just eating all of Auron's food. Frustrated, Auron moved to Jupiter and built a thatch hut there. The only bad part about Jupiter is that the gravity is higher there, and it makes Auron's weak left wrist hurt. He's heard rumors that Tidus is going to come visit him soon, so he's thinking about moving to Pluto. There's lower gravity there and a very active theater district. Pluto seems promising.

Rikku 

After helping defeat Sin, Rikku didn't have anything to do. She thought about her future possibilities: she could become a mechanic, but after the whole Sin thing, she was sick and tired of machines. She hated them with a passion so that was out. She thought for a really long time, and finally decided to go to Luca and find ideas there. She was unemployed for a long time, and during this time, she went club hopping a lot. She even made up her own dance and called it the Rikku. Basically it's doing the hand movements that you do when you're typing on a keyboard. Anyway, the dance caught on and became very popular, so Rikku did the only sensible thing she could think of: she copyrighted it and made people pay 99 cents if they wanted to dance the Rikku for 2 minutes and 7 cents a minute after that. It's a great deal! To get permission, you have to call 10-10-2RIKKU at the nearest pay phone. It's cheap for you and free for her. She plans to get A.L.F. and Hulk Hogan or Mr. T or Carrot Top to do the commercials. Rikku is no longer poor, but is still unemployed.

Kimahri 

Kimahri was very sad after Sin was defeated, because as everyone scattered, he realized that he had nowhere to go. Seymour had killed all the Ronso when he was still evil, so Kimahri was the last one in the world. Miserably, Kimahri wandered the mountains of Gagazet, until one day, he came across a hidden cave. The cave was home to a few hundred young Ronso. Kimahri was overjoyed. After he got rid of Tidus, who was following him by now, Kimahri started a new town for the Ronso. He called it Kimahriland. He became mayor and also was the head teacher of the Kimahriland School. He turned out to be very smart, and became a maester. He still lives in Kimahriland to this day.


	5. Kingdom Hearts

Hah! Two on the same day! I'm really on top of things today! So, this is Kingdom Hearts: the last one. So far. I wish SquareEnix would quit making sequels; it screws up my stories! Just kidding; I love sequels! But, I don't plan on writing any follow-ups to Final Fantasy X-2, for example. Maybe once this crazy life o' mine lets up a little. Ha! Yeah, right! So, enjoy Kingdom Hearts! R&R!

Note: The much-repeated phrase: I do not own Square's characters. Nor do I own Disney's characters. Please don't sue me; you won't win anything anyway!

Riku 

No, it's not the same Riku, there's one less K, you silly! Anyway, this is guy Riku from Kingdom Hearts. When Kairi was saved, she decided that she liked Sora better, because he didn't look like he was prematurely aging or that a bird died on his head. Also, the fact that Riku's soul was controlled by darkness didn't do much for him, either. Devastated, Riku turned to drugs, despite all he learned in health class from the pointless worksheets and boring videos…oh, wait a minute. He probably didn't learn anything because he never did the pointless worksheets and fell asleep during the boring videos. So he has an excuse. Anyway, he turned to drugs, the cause of and answer to all of life's problems. He moved to Wonderland, because everyone in that world is on drugs too, which explains why everyone is insane. Riku spent the rest of his life smoking weed with the Cheshire Cat and the White Rabbit. When he died, no one except the Mad Hatter and the March Hare went to the funeral. They did drugs there, too. The moral of the story is that if you sell your soul to the forces of darkness, you'll end up in Wonderland with the Cheshire Cat and the March Hare. So, watch the health videos.

Kairi 

Like, when Kari's heart was restored to her, she had to choose between Sora and Riku. She obviously chose Sora, because he's actually remotely good looking. Like, duh. So, anyway, she was, like, way too good for Sora, so she dumped him and moved to Los Angeles. She became interested in pop music and she, like, especially admired Avril Lavigne. So, she, like, started dressing like her, and talking like her, and pretty much copying her every habit, except for the Valley Girl thing, which she couldn't shake, like, d'ya know? Tch, anyway. She became world famous by singing songs with a troubled tomboy attitude, wearing ties constantly, and giggling incessantly. Did the giggling help? Who knows? I think she used it to hypnotize people and steal their souls, making them slaves to her. She probably can even control the Heartless. By doing this, she sold billions of CD's worldwide. This is a warning! Don't listen to the accursed Kairi! You will lose your sou…Kairi is God. Must buy 20 Kairi CD's. Like, let's go to the mall right now!

Sora 

Sora saved Kairi and then got hooked up with her. When she broke up with him, Sora was devastated. See the path of destruction that Kairi leaves in her wake! She's a man-eater! Beware! Anyway. Sora became clinically depressed and moved to the 100-Acre Wood, which can be considered a mental hospital, considering how many freaks live there. No, really! Think about it! Winnie the Pooh is obese and has multiple personalities: he thinks he's Mr. Sanders as well as Winnie the Pooh. Tigger is hyperactive, Rabbit is obsessive-compulsive, Owl's just a snotty know-it-all who needs a good whack upside the head, Gopher has a speech impediment, Piglet has chronic anxiety, and Eeyore is also clinically depressed, so Sora fit right in. He moved in with Eeyore and they spent the rest of their lives complaining about everything in the world. How pathetic.

Ansem 

When Ansem was defeated, he was very sad. He had been evil and body-less for so long, he didn't know if he had any skills anymore besides causing trouble, experimenting on Heartless and possessing 13-year-old boys with gray hair. Plus, to top it all off, Yuffie stole his castle: Hollow Bastion. So, Ansem wandered around and waited in the unemployment line in Luca with Kiros and Rikku. When Kiros started playing baseball and Rikku became a multi-millionaire, Ansem decided it was time to stop slacking off and get a life. He got a job at a bumper sticker company and started coming up with slogans like, "One who knows nothing can understand nothing", and "Every light must fade; every heart return to darkness!", and "So you have come this far, and still you understand nothing". Since bumper stickers are supposed to be either happy or funny, his ideas didn't make too much money, but as the company wasn't very popular to begin with, his phrases didn't help or hurt the company. But, at least Ansem is still at peace with the dark side. Bwahahahaha!


End file.
